You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
