new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize