Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
