I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
