I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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