Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
