i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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