Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
