It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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