i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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