I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
