You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
