Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize