wakey wakey hands off snakey
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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