saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
