PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
