Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
