tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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