Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
