Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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