I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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