Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
