New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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