What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
