I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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