There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
