great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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