This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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