your thong is hanging out like whoa
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
