You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
