i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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