Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.