i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.