I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked