I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder