Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.