I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dating After Heartbreak
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink