Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.