Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.