last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid