i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
