Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
