I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Alive.
So much puke
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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