Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Mom said you looked used
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
