You made me cry and you don't even care
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
