Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
