So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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