Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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