guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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