we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
