Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
