your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize