im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
