how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
