my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
