Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
did you just send me my own nude
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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