he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
