would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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