It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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