If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
