so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
