waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
