see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
