Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
