Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
