Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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