Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
